Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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