hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
