I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You can't motorboat a personality
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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