shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
