he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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