Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
