Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
