I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
