What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
