That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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