i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
