We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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