Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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