so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
