its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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