Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
