My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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