Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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