Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
