WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
