His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
