I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize