I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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