Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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