mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
