You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yo dont text me then not text me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
