i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
