Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
