Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
