I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
