I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
