i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
