I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
