Little spoons don't ask big questions
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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