do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
