Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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