life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
