shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
