I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
