You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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