The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
