i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
