can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
