Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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