worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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