We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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