I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
