having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
