look no pants
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
