party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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