i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
