It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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