Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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