Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
