Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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