I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if only i could text you this smell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
