Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
