Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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