I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize