Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
