i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
