I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
