i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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