my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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