At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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