glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize