I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
