So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
