I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
