So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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