I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
