So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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