omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
