What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
